Diary of a shattered heart

Dear diary, 

My name is Ivy,  I was supposed to write this earlier than now but I couldn't figure out a good time to write all of this probably because I don't really want to remember what happened in the past, though I think I am now ready to let it all out. 

My whole story began when I got admission into the school of my dreams and of course I was given the course I had desired all my life. My entry into the university of Lagos as a medical student was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made up my mind to make my parents proud by coming out as one of the best students in the school, to avoid distractions and be focused. 

I remembered my parents words of advice and instructions as I walked into the girls hostel with a sense of enthusiasm, I was welcomed by different girls, they seemed very intruiged when they heard I was given my desired course in a school most people feared because of it's competitive nature.
I made friends very quickly as I got accustomed to my new world even though I was an introvert, I think they were quite drawn to me or something of that sort and I accepted them with gladness. They told me everything about the school, social activities, classes and the likes and how good it was to maintain a good social status quo in such a well known school. I was given a list of all the events that were set to come up in my first year and although I didn't really think getting involved with such at the beginning of my journey was a good idea but still I couldn't say no to the most important one on the list... 

`The freshers party'. They had told me it was a good means to get to know more newbies like me and meet with many more people.
I got a good and decent dress to wear to the party as I tagged along with my friends that night. Partying was a new thing to me as I was always an indoor girl, I watched as my friends danced and enjoyed themselves while I sipped my non-alcoholic drink trying to take in the new experience. I tried to study everyone I saw when my eyes met with someone I'd call charming, his eyes met mine as he walked up to me, honestly I think I embarrassed myself because I couldn't stop staring, he had dark brown eyes and curvy soft lips. I felt a tingling sensation all over me as he asked for my name and details which I blurted out almost immediately. He smiled and I felt an Angel was smiling at me, well so I thought.
He took me to the dance floor and danced with me like a brave knight or so I thought, I was in fantasy land already as I enjoyed the rest of my time in the party with him. 

Days and weeks went by and I was falling in love with Alex so fast, faster than I could imagine. My friends warned me to take my time to study him more as they heard a lot of things about him and how he was a Casanova kind of guy. But I felt I was doing the right thing, I figured he was a really nice guy, very intelligent and responsible. I was so in love and I did not picture the relationship between us ending anytime soon or any danger ahead until one night while I was in Alex's room. We were in the heat of crazy romance when he told me he wanted me so badly and he wished he could take me. I told him I wasn't ready yet but I felt him trying to push his manhood through me, I tried to pull away but he was too strong, I wanted to scream but he covered my mouth and warned me not to make a sound or everything between us would end, I continued trying to scream, he slapped me and told me to compose myself and it wasn't going to hurt. I screamed in tears as he made his way through me enjoying every bit of my pain. 

Alex raped me that night and forcefully took my virginity away from me after which he called me a fool for ever thinking he fell in love with me, he told me never to see him again and ordered me out of his room.
I was broken, shattered by the one I held so dear, by the one I trusted to respect my decisions, that night my whole mindset changed. I felt so much hatred than I have ever felt before. That night began my journey into the world of misery. 

I lived my life in ruins, unable to get over what happened to me. I started a new habit of drinking and smoking, partying and clubbing. I joined a female cult group that was called `ladies of hate'. My academic grades dropped as I was given a probation letter two times already advising me to withdraw. The scenes of that night glued to one part of my brain and it affected my functionality daily.
I made every other guy who attempted to woo me suffer for thinking of even coming close to me. My dream of being a medical doctor crashed as I was asked to leave the school since my grades dropped drastically. 

My parents prayed to God to save me and bring me back as they took me to a therapy centre where I met a really nice therapist although I didn't consider her to be nice at first. My first sessions with her were very difficult but as time went on, I shared my story with her only to find out that she went through the same thing, even worse. She told me ways I could learn to forgive Alex and let go of my past to start a new life. Right now I am getting better and starting to love again, I see the world in a new light and even if thoughts of the past still come into my mind, most times I use God's word to shove it all off reminding myself that I can be better than this, and I will be better than this.

please drop your comments on how you think Ivy can move on from her past to start a new life and be a better person. Thank you for reading  😘😘